Blogging has always been a medium for me to straighten out my thoughts and gain some sense of direction. These blogs were always private though. Partly because they were just rambles of my frustrations, but more because they were all just based on my relationships. But something happened recently and although it saddens me to say that it actually took the passing of someone to help me realize this and motivate me to put these thoughts into words, I must admit it happened at the perfect time.
A few days ago, I attended the funeral of a coworker’s mother. Being the first funeral I attend, my biggest worry at the time was honestly just what outfit to wear. And to be truthful, I only went because my director told me to. But during the ceremony, it really surprised me how no matter how hard I tried, the tears in my eyes eventually made its way down my cheeks. I felt so depressed and such a strong sense of loss that I called my mom after and just cried. It really got me thinking, if I’m able to feel this kind of pain and sense of loss for someone that I’ve never met, how am I ever going to be able to say goodbye to something I care about? What can I do now so that when that day comes, I can say bye knowing I have done everything I can with no regrets?
I think back to all the worries and problems I’ve been having lately. A few weeks ago, I lost something that I strongly believed I would get. In hindsight, it probably was for the best. It pushed me and motivated me in such a way that I don’t think I have ever focused on myself as wholeheartedly as I am now. I’ve gained new goals to my career and to my life and I can’t thank this person enough for motivating me in such a way. But I think attending this funeral was really what I needed in this phase of my life. Over the past few weeks, I have been so focused on these new goals and being the kind of person I want to become that I’ve let it takeover my every day. But is this really what I should be doing? Should I be dedicating my every minute of the day building the future I want? Sometimes the problem with being driven is that we get so caught up with building the life we want, we forget that what we have now may not be there in the future. And the thing is, when we do reach that goal, we’re too caught up with our next goal to appreciate that we’ve already achieved the first one. I realize now that as I continue to grow up, shift into a new phase of my life and continue to build the future that I want for myself, I can’t overlook the things right before my eyes. I need to cherish the things that I have now instead of focusing only on the things I think I can have in the future. We should all spend more time with the people we love and reconnect with old friends while we still can. We should be open to meeting everyone and seeing everything in the world because you never know when the universe will decide to change things and take away that opportunity. I want to make sure that when the last day for something comes, it would have come too late to make me regret anything.